It’s not the end yet.

That’s the first sentence I put on my 2020 vision board. Just because I know, it is not the end yet even though everything seems stagnant. But then I realized that life is about ending and beginning. There are many endings and beginnings provided for us in order to grow. I used to fear the ending,  as much as the beginning, because it’s unknown. I used to hold everything that makes my comfortable life around me. That’s the natural tendency of living being, to preserve their existence and maintain what’s considered as balance. I might associate endings with painful things, so I don’t want to get it. I want to continue my current life without any problems. But the familiar and the known only make you fear the changes, you then remain the same, you don’t want to learn anything new, because you are too scared to dip your fingers into the unknown pool.

Recent;y I’ve been thinking more than usual. It might have turned into overthinking, but I know I will be okay. I try to understand who I am, what I want, and why I was born. Yes,  I always write positive things here, that everything is meant to shine because they have a purpose to be born in this world. But then, I came into a situation where I question myself : is this my purpose? Am I doing it right? Am I deceiving myself? Am I crazy? Why am I doing different things from majority of people around me? Are differences unacceptable? Can I live peacefully with my own self?

Yeah. I’m scared sometimes, of the unknown, of the possibility that I won’t be no longer doing what I love to do. What really important for me is freedom. The freedom expressing myself in any form I enjoy. That has been the blockage I face since my childhood. I’m now working with it, to heal the wounded part of me. That I can’t think of anything else.

I’m not questioning what other people decisions are. I’m not interested in judging other people’s life. That’s their rights to decide the best for them.

I appreciate everyone who shows their care to me, but I have set my own boundaries, that I’m the one who decides for my life, nobody else can. If my surrounding get hurt of my decision, I will move on to another place, so we will no longer hurting each other. That’s another ending in order to let another beginning to happen. I used to be scared of being alone, but as I grow up, being alone is the thing that I need to understand myself as much as the need of some endings in my life. There is so much unfinished business from the past that are needed to sit with, to end the old cycles that are no longer serving me for the better. I can’t do that while being with other people. I only am able to do that when I’m only with myself.

I’m questioning so many things to myself. It feels so overwhelming sometimes, but then I get to know myself more. “What are feelings? Why do they exist? Why do people argue? Why do people stay in the same toxic cycle? Is marriage a life goal? Was you born to only meet your significant other in this lifetime? What is the point of staying in a toxic relationship? Why can’t people move on?” and so many other questions. Again, I’m not questioning to judge other people, yet I want to know what path I need to take. The best path that is created only for me.

For now, I don’t want to think anything other than healing myself. I don’t  want to be asked whether or not I want to get married or something like that. I might change my mind, but it’s only me who decides to change it. Nobody else can change my mind, because they have their own mind to change.

As I tweeted before, this will be my last blog post before taking a (short) break. I need this break period in order to lessen the amount of things to do in my life. When I feel I have learned life-changing stuff, I will comeback to this blog to share it with you. I’m sorry I ended up typing anything that comes right into my mind when I open my text editor to write something in this blog. 

It should be a special day for everyone whose birthday today. I always like May, as much as I like February. Yet I have to decide to take a break in this month for the better. I really like this month. I might not post about May Highlight too if I need more time to be in this break period. Happy birthday to anyone who was born on May 16. You are so special that you were born in this day, because I recently see numbers 516, like everywhere. I wish you have a wonderful days filled by love and happiness, surrounded by those you love and who love you. If you accidentally come across this blog post, thank you for stopping by. I hope, at least one thing I have written here, can be the help you need whenever you find this.

In this case, I would say that it’s not the end yet. Not because I’m afraid of It, but because I don’t think I will end this blog. I will comeback surely, I have renewed this blog subscription too, so I won’t waste the money lol. Another message for anyone who needs it : please take a break when you feel you need it, or when your body signals something wrong happening. Listen to your body, pause for awhile to give it more love, then comeback with 1000% power.

Well. Take care. See you on the next post.

7 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP FROM HOME

1. Use Yahoo! JAPAN

2. Browse using Ecosia

3. Choose online shopping

4. Buy products that join 1% for the planet

5. Don’t share anything unless it’s official

6. Consume and share good contents

7. Pay your bills and be grateful

1. Blog : weekly message new format, April Entries, domain renewal

2. #LearnWithMe Playlist

3. Book : Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabbat-Zin

4. Skincare empty : PURITO Green Level Buffet Serum

Another skincare that I emptied was PURITO Green Level Buffet Serum which is my favorite, since it works well and smells so good (contains lavender oils - if you have sensitive skin, I recommend the unscented one in white bottle). This serum contains my favorite niacinamide and centella asiatica extract that calm my skin (especially when a new acne is about to pop out). It works really well with my combination skin, my skin absorbs the serum quickly and it leaves my skin hydrated. Not sticky at all. It came with a pump bottle and it can be disassembled easily for the recycling process. PURITO is also a brand that supports environment and animals, you can see the label cruelty free on its packaging and how they choose the packaging material like this. I will definitely buy another bottle. Haha. 

5. Private Project : SNOW

6. Playlist : CLEAR, Princess, Who I Am, Again

8 Thing You Can Do to Glow Yourself Up

1. #DefineYourself

2. Shed that dead skin cells

3. Set boundaries

4. Express yourself

5. #FocusOnTheGood

6. Be gentle 

7. Try new things

8. Know that it’s not competition

1. Find the fun way to do your routine

2. Be in the now

3. See everything as a new experience

4. Remember that nothing is permanent

Don’t beat yourself up when you have negative feelings whether it’s tied to the past or to the possibilities in the future. Know, accept, let it pass through you, don’t avoid or stick into it. Nothing is permanent.

In this post I won’t mention the things that I don’t do. All the things I wrote here are the things that I do whenever I can, so don’t worry, it’s applicable! You don’t have to do it all, just do the things you can. To show your love, you don’t have to do many big things, you can start by the smallest ones in the current place you are in. Even if you are the only one who does it, it doesn’t reduce the positive vibe you are emitting. Your simple act of love might inspire other people around you by time. You don’t need to argue with other people in order to show your love, just do it. The Earth will be happy if you can peacefully do good things on it.

With the current situation, people might be doing panic buying so there might be nothing left for other people. You are allowed to be scared and feeling your fears, but it's selfish to think only for yourself by letting other people getting nothing. It applies to any situation, everyday, every time, it's important to buy only the things you need. Don't buy too many products that will end up getting unused due to the expiry dates or getting broken because of the storage issues. It's not wise to buy everything and let it be expired and unused while everyone out there needs that products. If you have excess products, you can give them away so that it can be useful for other people too. Please remember that, the main purpose of making a product is to be used.

SIMPLE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO LOVE THE EARTH 

8// Take care of a plant in your home / apartment to make the air more fresh and healthy, also it’s pleasant to see the plants growing by time.

10// Use bamboo / steel straw.  Bamboo straws are a sustainable alternative to plastic straws. They are naturally anti-bacterial and compostable at the end of their lifespan. You can bring your own straw when you go to restaurant (if they allow you to) or choose to buy the reusable ones for your home. 

Oh, it’s something that I often find here in Indonesia. When you have to print out your report or anything, it’s better to not ask for plastic bag to the printing service. Instead, bring your own document keeper. You can’t go 100% paperless, but you can choose to not use plastic as often as you can. 

Mom always brings her own shopping bag, literally every time she goes out. She taught me to reuse the bags we already have for shopping purpose so that the store or seller won't use any more plastic. Also, she has already been bringing her own food container for buying foods. During my childhood, I loved it when mom packaged her food container, because it means she would bring me somewhere to buy yummy foods. There was no food delivery services back then (only the big brands). She doesn't use the packaging (mostly plastic) provided by the seller. I think it's cool! Mom is cool! Haha.

Also, even if it's not February, you can do the #MyKindFebruary project I made this year that has prompts to do simple act of kindness everyday for 29 days.

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