One thing that I
recently realized is I still have much more labels I have put on to everything
around me.
Hello, beautiful people!
Welcome back to another weekly message. Yay! I want to share something that I
just realized recently, that brings changes in my life. It might be confusing
but I’m trying to explain it clearly even though I repeat some sentences, lol. My Gemini moon ruler is in
retrograde in Aquarius now which feels better than several days ago when it’s
still in Pisces, but
still it’s retrograde, haha. My explanation might be all over the place (as I just realized to my other
posts both in this blog and my YouTube channel recently) but I hope you
don’t get confused. I might come back to this article to revise it later.
One day when I was
working in front of my office computer, I found that my headscarf looked
different so I needed to fix it a bit. Then I paused for a while and asked
myself why I needed to do this thing. It still looked like a normal headscarf.
But then, another part of me answered that by using this headscarf in a certain
form, I looked like an older woman. I just realized that I hated that. Then I remembered that this came
from my childhood, I associated being an older woman (such as mother or wife) with being limited, having less freedom to do
anything I want. I associated it with sadness, complaints, fights and financial
problems. All of that came from my childhood, where I saw many married couples
fighting over financial stuff, a mom yelling to her kids, the husband who left
his spouse out of nowhere. My surroundings were chaotic at that time. Also I
remembered that mom and dad got married at young ages, so it causes some
problems in our family too.
It continues in my workplace where my co-workers sometimes tell their stories about how hard being a wife and a mother is. Even my boss explained all the details about the do(s) and the don’t(s) about being a wife. Those only showed me that being a wife and/or a mother only makes me sad.
I don’t want to be like
that. I hated that. I want to live freely doing anything and going anywhere I
want. I avoided any labels that I associated with being a mother or older
woman. Simply because I don’t want to get hurt. It’s all based on fear of
getting hurt.
Those labels come from
association from past experiences, mostly subconsciously.
People around you might
tell you that certain labels or associations you have are silly, and said that
you are weird. But, no matter how weird it is, it exists. It exists within you
for years without you realizing it. It exists and needs you to recognize
it.
When you realize that
you have certain labels associated with your past experiences, then you have
options : to still hold it, or to leave it in the past.
What we call reality is
how we perceive the world. Mostly we perceive it based on our past and our
beliefs (that mostly rooted in the past). What you decide determines how your
personal reality looks like. 2 people are placed in the same situation, but
they might have different views about it, then they experience different
realities. It answered my questions why different people see something as
neutral as cloudy day as bad thing and they get angry because of it, and the
other ones see it as good thing that cloudy day makes them happy, and the other
see it as neutral, they don’t put any labels to it, they don’t see it as “good”
or “bad”.
Any perceptions you have
toward something will determine your action, your thoughts and your feelings.
But it won’t change how it is. It will stay as it is. Whether you get angry or
sad toward heavy rain outside, it won’t change the situation. You can only
change your view, your label, your perception, your belief about it. Then you
will feel more peace.
I then realized why I
get bothered by something unnecessary. People might perceive me as younger or
older than my actual age, but it’s not a problem. Other people’s perceptions
don’t define who I really am.
The more I resist
something outside my control, the deeper I fall down into it unconsciously. All
I need to do is recognize it without judging or putting more labels into
it.
It’s just a label, a
belief, a perception anyway. I have the choice to take it or to leave it.
Title photo by lailiving
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